Bringing your first child into the world teaches a whole new kind of love into your and your spouse's life. You will do your absolute best to keep them safe, warm, and happy. With that being said, welcoming a child into your life introduces a new set of challenges as well. We all know how parenting demands a huge chunk of your time and attention, especially when the child is still small.
This transition into parenthood is a big adjustment for any couple, and the changes can be difficult to manage. You may feel you have lost yourself in the process and may not feel quite as close to your partner as you did before having a child. Perhaps you and your spouse are functioning more like roommates or business partners than like husband and wife. Many couples experience this. When there are too many things on your plate — work, household responsibilities, social duties, or other activities, you may feel you do not have much energy left to attend to your spouse. And that should not be the norm! When parents consistently neglect their love life, it will negatively reflect on the whole family.
Giving your marriage a #1 priority is ultimately better for your children. As a matter of fact, maintaining a healthy marriage is one of the best gifts you can give them for life. Because happy parents = happy children. When your children see the two of you treat each other with love and respect, they will feel more secure.
If you will be experiencing this transition soon or currently having a little hiccup in your marriage due to the adjustment, here are some tips you can consider to keep your love life alive!
1. Daily check-in
Take a few minutes each day to check in with each other. Maybe after the kids have gone to bed or before you two go to bed when the environment is a little quiet and peaceful. You could each share just about any interesting events or shortcomings about your day or discuss any upcoming plans.
2. Send your kids to bed
Set regular bedtimes for your children. Better yet, make their bedtimes early enough so that you and your spouse have a little quality time in the evening to reconnect.
3. Be affectionate
Say "I love you" every day, especially in front of your kids. Hug, kiss, and hold hands often. Your kids may make faces if you do, but they will be glad. You will too!
4. Make time for intimate sessions
Being physically intimate is another great way to strengthen the bond between you and your spouse. It is worth making time for, even if you have to "make an appointment" for it to happen. Regular sexual intimacy can minimize friction from stress, give a deep sense of security, and help you two feel closer and more united.
5. Go on dates
The dating phase should not stop once you are married. In fact, you may need it the most when everything gets a little chaotic with the kids. Take a quick time off by leaving the kids with a sitter. Your date does not have to be expensive, it's the quality time together that matters. Go to a neighbourhood cafe, take a walk, or catch a new movie in the cinema. And try not to talk about your kids all the time!
6. Be appreciative
Take time to let your spouse know you appreciate them. Surprise them with a just-cause gift once in a while or just a simple "thank you" for doing the dishes or the laundry. A little kindness can make a difference!
Aside from all these, try to keep in mind that you and your spouse are a team. On days when you drive each other up the wall, take time to pause and remember when you first dated. Remind yourself of the green flags, and the qualities you adore about them!
